A Blog written by my wife, Ava –
There are times when my husband, Richard, doesn’t live up to my standards. It’s not because he is grossly imperfect, but because I cannot accept and love him perfectly.
The only thing I could give him is a broken and a hurt heart that can’t possibly love in full.
It’s solely of human effort that I try and then, fail. This occurs again and again. Only until I look inside, then I see that the dissatisfaction doesn’t root from his shortcomings nor his imperfections, but MINE.
Uninterruptedly, he tries to show how he could love me with a love not his own, but of God. He pursues me persistently, trying to win back a heart that a husband deserves from a wife… undivided and not given to any other men or other pulls of the world.
I was thinking to myself, if my husband could love me that way; if my husband could pursue me despite the rejection and fear of being pushed away, how much more my God who designed me, thinks about me each minute and even went and still goes out of His way to save me from my own follies? Follies like hatred, hard-heartedness, hard-headedness, pride, conceit and all the other causes of downfall we could think of.
One, two, three or more times in our nine years of marriage, I try to (figuratively) run away from him, in fear that when I bare again my vulnerabilities as a woman, I’ll again be hurt, be discontented and disillusioned.
I am wretched and constantly sinning in my heart! But how could a God like my God love me and deem me with such high regard?
Shame on me to think it’s plainly because of my own goodness! Shame on me to think I am good enough to deserve His pursuit!
His love expressed through the love of His Son Jesus, who sparingly gave His life in exchange for our death. His cross for our crosses. His righteousness for our sins.
I can’t help but be in awe of this unfathomable expression of love we never deserved, but was freely given to us anyway…. What a STUBBORN LOVE!!